I've always prided myself on being an outgoing person. My husband and friend always joke around that I seem to know everyone. I have to say I LOVE meeting new people and talking to them. I'm so grateful for all the hundreds of friends that I have and know. Somehow, when I meet someone new, we become instant friends on most occasions. However, there is a new group of friends that I take no enjoyment in meeting. This group of women all share one major thing in common. We share the loss of a child. I now have become a member of a very "secret" club. A club that I never dreamt I'd be a part of. It's a club that I really didn't think existed in my world. (Boy did I have blinders on!) It's a club that I ask "why does it HAVE to exist" ? This secret club is not one you'd ever join voluntarily. It's a club filled with heartaches, anger, resentment, jealousy, prayer, strength, love, yearning, doubt, fear,etc. I couldn't begin to list all the emotions that are felt daily.
This secret club of moms is amazing. They are brutally honest about everything they feel. We (because as I said, I'm now a member) share everything with each other. We share our good days and our bad days. We share the fact that many days going to sleep and not waking up often sounds better than facing years without our children. We share the feelings of guilt about what has happened. As a mother, shouldn't we have protected our children? How am I alive and my child isn't? It should be me that goes first. A parent should never have to bury their child.
Some of us are at different stages in our grief and struggles. What amazes me is the profound love that each of these mothers has for their lost children. Some mothers had only minutes with their child. Some mothers had many years with their child. Some of us had our children born "sleeping", as mine was. No matter how many minutes or years you had with your child, it simply isn't enough. Each of us share the heartache and the yearning for more time.
I'm sad to now be a member of this club, but I'm eternally grateful that each of us knows how the other one is feeling at all times during our journey. My "journey through losing a child" is understood whole heartedly by each member. There's never any judgement. There's never any need to rush our struggles or feelings. We are "what we are"!
I pray that no one ever has to be a "card carrying" member of this secret club. But, I know that "through my journey" I'm now better equipped to help someone through their "journey of losing a child".
In honor of all our angels.....We love you and miss you every SECOND of EVERY DAY!!!!!